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www.coachingwithjanel.com
Transform Your Story Podcast - Episode 10: Learning Your Story - March 2025
Janel voiceover: [music] Welcome to Transform Your Story. Iâm Janel Guevara. My clients call me their fairy godmother, but actually, Iâm a life coach with a love of words and the women who use them.
Janel voiceover: Join me and my daughters as we have honest conversations on writing, life, and redeeming Happily Ever After in the shadows of the stories we never expected to tell. We recount our experiences as a way to help you see yours in a new light.
Janel voiceover: From content creation to defining your audience and niche, we break down the process into simple steps with practical application. That allows us to nurture hope from ashes, so you can too. Letâs transform your story. [music ends]
Janel: Hello, welcome to Transform Your Story. It's Janel Guevara. Well, today I am alone, all by myself. Melinda is still buried in moving boxes and Ana had other things to do.
Janel: So I was contemplating what we talked about. I really enjoyed my conversation with Ana last week on editing, and writing, and the differences, and just the actual Art of Writing. And we will definitely revisit because when Melinda listened to the podcast she was like, âoh, I have so much to add.â So we will swing back and have another conversation about that on another day.
Janel: But today, you know, years and years ago, back when I was still actively publishing the magazine, I was working with authors and what they came in. It occurred to me, our writing is more about content than it is grammar and style. I recognize that, you know, grammar and style and all the things that so many people get upset about. âOh, well, there was a typo. There was a grammar there, was aââ It's like, okay, but typos can be overlooked. What does the content say? Is the information clearly communicated? Do we know what we're talking about? Do we know how to share that effectively in a way that, you know, other people understand? That they grab, they get, they gravitate towards and I really just have clarity around it.
Janel: So what I thought we'd talk about today or what I'd share in my thoughts is, you know, creating content. How do we figure out what it is that we want to share, how we share it, where we go from here, and that kind of thing. The last few weeks I have been working on my mini coaching program called Finishing the Five Steps. My freebie, Five Steps to Share Hope from Your Story, walks through the process that I use with clients who are unsure and don't realize that they don't have their content or they're really struggling to be like, âokay, I can't find my niche. I don't understand this. Where do I start?â And so I have assembledâthis resource is for those who visit my websiteâand it just walks through the five steps of the process that I use with my clients to help them figure out what they have to say, what they want to say, and who needs to hear it.
Janel: In the process, I realized, even working through my own stuff and then helping other women work through theirs is, so many of us just don't know our story. We don't understand the details. We don't know how they fit. We know that all this stuff happened to us, or that we've had certain experiences, or circumstances, or whatnot, but we don't necessarily know what to do with them. And that's why I put the resource together. But then I realized that some people, they look at this like, âoh my God, it's 10 pages. What do I do with it?â And they kind of get bogged down Because, âoh, well, oh, this seems like I know it.â But in my own story, in my own life, I realized that I did not genuinely begin crafting relevant content until I focused on my story. That start was by [laugh] using the steps in Five Steps to Share Hope From Your Story.
Janel: Along the way, and through the years I have tackled it from different angles, different spaces, different ways and just⊠It's been a long process. [laugh] I am not one for an elevator pitch. That's why I say I transform stories into hope. And that's what I do and why I do it is because, you know, I didnât have hope in my story for a long time.
Janel: It's the how. It's the how that kicks our butt. And I talk about the why, and the what, and the how. The very first big ticket course that I purchased talked about, you share the what and the why, and you sell the how. And I look here and I can't unsee it. Now, you know, when I look around and I'm exposed to a new influencer, or a new coach, or a new course creator, or somebody who offers a product or a service. And I'm like, âokay, this is your what, this is your why. All right, what are you selling? What are you actually selling?â
Janel: For those of us who don't know our story, it's hard to know what we actually have to offer and why our audience would wanna listen and continue to listen. Like, okay, all these stories are great, why are you telling them? What do you hope to accomplish? So in the process. [laugh] In the process of trying to figure out how to corral my story and tell it, and watching other women corral their stories so they could tell them. I've learned a few things.
Janel: For years, my grandmother always wrote her daily tasks on a calendar. And I'm not talking like, not her to-do list but things like, her sister stopped by for a visit. Took the dog to the vet. Got a letter from her brother. Talked to her grandchild. It was a mixture of both mundane tasks of did the spring washing of bed linens. But it was also those memorable moments of oh somebody unexpectedly stopped by. As a child, I remember watching her write on her calendar and thinking, âwow, Grandma has a lot of things to do.â [laugh] But when I was four and five years old and watching her write on the calendar, I couldn't read her handwriting, so I really didn't know what she was putting down. My grandmother came to live with us when my grandfather passed and so she lived with my parents in total for about 20 years. And I was there for 10 of those. So I got to understand when I was older what kind of notes that she kept, and little jaughty things, it really never occurred to me how important they were.
Janel: But I look back on those. Kind of with awe and wonder. Because on one hand, we have the mundane. We have the things that happen or, you know, took the trash out, made chicken soup, but there are the beautiful things of unexpectedly got to take a hike to the river. Went on a Jeep ride. Met my Cousinâs, sisterâs, uncleâs, nephewâs girlfriend [laugh] by accident while I was out shopping. You know, a little happenstances, and these moments on one hand, put all together, it looks like this blur of events because normally when we think about events, they're the big ones. You know, Sally got married. Bob and Laura got a divorce. We got a new dog. Our cat passed. I mean, these big, big moments that we remember. In my life, those big linchpins were, you know, when I got married the first time and moved to New England. To Fargo, North Dakota. Came back. Had my brain injury, a big pivot in my life is my brain injury. Because everything so radically changed. So then all the stuff they have radically changed and then I got a divorce I moved to Oregon.
Janel: So when we look at the events in our life to try to tell our stories. We often want to look at these big pivotal moments that define our life. But I can't stop thinking about my grandmother and how she recorded the mundane. And knowing what I know now, it is not necessarily always the big details that impacted our story and our life the most. Sometimes, it's the little patterns inside the mundane everything on our list that we do [laugh] that overwhelms us or just happens.
Janel: One of the things that I found about telling my story and making sense of my story to turn it into content to share as a platform and a connection point, is understanding the little patterns that led to the big moments. When I was doing training for one of my coaching certifications I was instructed to create a list of events to tell my story, to sell my how. It just never felt right. I have zero doubt that that formula works for some people. But for people who are train dodging lemonade experts who have lived through hell came out the other sideâkind of smoking but burnt in placesâThere is more to our story than just, âoh, well, I chose to do this and it kicked my ass,â versus âI was carried along in the situation that I didn't know how to get out of.â That's a very different vibe. And I think when we're trying to tell our story, we have to be very careful to recognize that maybe our story isn't normal. Because when you start adding things like abuse, massive life changes, neurodivergence, those immediately elevate our content into a different place. A lot of the content that I worked through when I was doing the certification was, you know, these people were talking about, I lost a baseball scholarship. My parents got divorced. I changed schools. Lost my job. These are very like, situations that happened, that really kind of really came out of nowhere. I mean, sometimes it feels like nowhere, but on the other hand there were very specific things that could happen unprompted but we might not stop to look at it.
Janel: Now that I have been in therapy for religious trauma abuse and really understand my complex PTSD, and I look at this, and there is, in the storytelling realm, a very different need, desire, and focus when you create content around deeply, I don't want to say deeply traumatizing, but deeply traumatizing things. That we need to be careful that we understand what they were, how they happened, where they came from, who was responsible, how did we respond or react? And have we not necessarily made peace with the fact, but are we able to take responsibility for what we experienced without being drowned in the shame of it.
Janel: And the longer I go, the more I get down the road, the more it becomes clear. And so even like five years ago when I started putting my programs and process together. It's been dribs and drabs every once in a while I wake up and it's like âoh my gosh, that's what that is? I didn't understand that. I have a name for that now.â So it's always nice to know I was on the right track. But I didn't necessarily make the jump. And part of making the jump isâas I continue further on in my story and heal and go further, I realized that there is a holistic component to our story. Yes, we have the details that happened. Yes, we have the things that we experienced and, you know, the whole inner child of understanding that you're safe, or creating a safe haven, knowing how to take care of your needs and love yourself. All those cliche things that we're supposed to get, that we were supposed to have. We're just supposed to love ourselves and everything will be fine. But it's so much more than that. We need to learn to understand what our priorities are. What are our values? How do we define boundaries? And what is all this other stuff in the middle?
Janel: But I was sitting here last week, as I was going through the content of finishing my course and thinking about how all of it interacts, and then working withâI've been working with somatic therapists in the last couple of years to release trauma, all of Peter Levine and his Somatic Experiencing. And I realized that we can understand all of this stuff, but there is a somatic component to our story. We need movement in the body, movement in our life, movement for change towards transformation to bring about the ebb and the flow in life and instead of just being stuck in a story that we don't necessarily understand.
Janel: And so, Iâve been really chewing on that this last week. Well, actually last few weeks. But I realized it really is important to look at our details. To understand our details. So we can look at them and go, oh, okay, that came about because I didn't understand that. And then dive in and figure out what that piece is. When I started looking at Stephen Covey's work in the early 2000s, where he talks about, you know, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. And, you know, I didn't realize back then that I was wrestling with executive dysfunction from being gaslighted into a faith and belief by what a therapist would later identify as a covert narcissistic abuser.
Janel: So I was struggling with implementing [laugh] the principles that Stephen Covey talked about because I mean, okay, values-basedâokay, well, how do I define my values? And I went down through all of the, you know, God is my priority, my husband, my children being a good witness, and just all of these blanket values. And then was trying to throw them into this pot of the planner in the context that Covey was teaching. And I just, I kind of burned out. Because I didn't understand how much pressure I was experiencing or the type of shame. Because I wasn't living up to the expectations of a âgodly woman.â And I just kind of got stuck in the mess.
Janel: And I mean, I tried, I mean, the principles are fantastic. Basically his whole program is based on, know what you believe, what your values are, what your priorities are and then put those on your calendar. Because if you value family time and then stay a workaholic away from your family, there's a disconnect in what you actually value and why. Sorting all of that out, [laugh] has been a nightmare of sorts. But finally, understanding here and sitting on the other side it just kicks in all of my naturopathic training about we are mind, body, and spirit. And if one element of our life is out of balance all the others will suffer. And I just echo back to that. And then recognizing this last couple of weeks, thinking about the process and then, you know, the somatic work that I have been doing, I'm like, it's not just about knowing our story. And it's not just about 14 layers to get us to authenticity. It's not just about addressing the shame that keeps us tied into unhealthy patterns. It is about also taking the steps to integrate what we know into our life.
Janel: And I'll be the first to admit I struggle with this a lot. [laugh] I have a lot of years of things to unlearn and redo and work through. So prioritizing some of the things that I know I need, is a slow process. I mean, on one hand, yeah, I know. But then having executive dysfunction from my brain injury to actually apply some of this stuff with routine tasks that I struggle with, you know, it's the whole squirrel moment. It's the whole dreading a task, the trauma pops up of gettingâcompleting a task that I feel either insecure about doing or there's questions that I don't know how to answer. That's a big one for me. If I have a question and I'm chewing on it and I donât have the answer, sometimes that will stymie me. But then there's sometimes there's just places and tasks that need to be accomplished that just are a grind. Trying to find ways to implement them and do them without like losing my mind. That's the whole issue.
Janel: Because I look at this, and I just, it's easy to get exhausted and overwhelmed, particularly when we walk up to the stuff and we realize, oh my God, I have lived through so much. How do I integrate all of this? [gasp] Without losing my mind. The answer is very simple. You do it one step at a time. [laugh] I hate that answer, just so you know, for clarity. [laugh] I absolutely hate that answer. So it's a place that I wrestle, but as I sit here and look at where I started as a naturopath and the story, and the details of my life, and my experiences, it really has been one step at a time. One revelation. One piece. One âoh look at that.â One, âoh that connects here.â âOh another, that's what that was? Oh, I've called that something else for years.â Picking apart our story so we know our story is so powerful. Once we know or at least have a good handle on the things that are going on in our lives, it is so much easier to create content around it, to support ourselves, to ask for our needs to be met, or to see that our needs can be met. And it's a beautiful flow.
Janel: But I also remember the 21-year-old Janel, just absolutely overwhelmed. If I had sat down with 21-year-old Janel all those years ago and laid the mother load on her, she would have been overwhelmed, but at least she would have had a plan. And I think sometimes we forget that it's not about the plan. It's about implementing the plan. And keeping the plan filled with supportive rewards and supportive rewards and focus on the things that we really want. It keeps us motivated. And for me, I wanted clarity. All my life I have wanted clarity. I am curious. And I don't like staying stuck in places that I don't understand where I'm at. So for me, I want to know. I want to figure it out. I want to learn. I want to understand.
Janel: And now that I do, creating the content for my audience has been so much easier. Like 80% easier than it was when I was writing 15 years ago and just âWell, I think I'll write about this today because this is on my mind.â It is consistent. It is well laid out, well thought out. But more importantly, I understand. And therefore, it makes creating content so much easier. So I encourage you to sit down and start at step one. At the very beginning.
Janel: If you've done some of the exercises where you write down the things that have happened to you, how they came about, sit down and organize them. Pull them out and go âoh that situation? That feels like that other situation over here. Let's put them together and consider them what was going on, what was happening, what I was feeling, what I was thinking about when that happened.â Once you identify that, you can begin to go, âoh, how can I fix that?â âOh, that's what happened. That was a success. That was a failure. That was a failure. That was a success. Oh!â And that becomes our process. The coaches tell us that we need to be just a few steps ahead of the people that we're working with. And it is a very, very valid point. It's a good point. We don't have to have all the answers. But we do have to know the big pieces. Once you do begin to understand the big pieces And see how the little pieces fit in, it becomes so much easier to know our how and to share our content.
Janel: Well, until next time, I'm Janel Guevara. I hope you have a fantastic week.
Janel voiceover: [music] Thanks so much for joining us today! Iâm Janel Guevara. I hope you caught a glimmer of hope, a glimpse of possibility, and a sprinkle of fairy dust. Join us next time when we take another step towards Transforming Your Story.
Janel voiceover: Content for educational purposes only. Our stories are not your stories. Please be cautious and contact your local domestic violence hotline if you need support. [music ends]
